Friday, August 31, 2007

Your Simply Amazing Stuck in My Head Song of the Day

Ok I need to finish this really quickly so I can peace. Anyway I decided today when I was in my kitchen cooking and having a dance party with my dogs (aka me dancing around while they stared confused at me) that if I were to ever start stripping that Paul Weller's I Walk on Gilded Splinters is totally my moneymaking song. And so that is your stuck in my head song of the day. I've always thought the song was a great strutting and walking song but I never realized how damn sexy that groove and bass line is. I can't help but feel hot and sexy and like a badass when I hear it. Here's a live version


Anyway I'm off Monday so you guys enjoy your three day weekend. As for now I'm dressed to go shake my ass. I think I will.

ciao tutti. stay in touch but more importantly stay safe out there.

Paul Weller- I Walk On Gilded Splinters (mp3)

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A Bonus Friday Post! More Fall Movies I Want to See

Yay!
Anyway since I'm not posting on Monday due to some reason on another I thought I'd give you 5 movies that are coming out this fall that I'm excited about, y'know, now that all the movies won't be geared towards 14 year old boys. This was inspired by an Entertainment Weekly article and list.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford [September 21st]
( I always hated the guy who shot Jesse James in the back, just as I hate Pat Garrett who shot Billy the Kid in the dark, and the lady in red who snitched on Dillinger-aka anyone who ruins the party. And I've heard about this movie for so long, and Brad Pitt is amazing so this movie has to be sweet.)







Across the Universe [September 21]
(Julie Taymor who envisioned and directed the Lion King play and Titus (which is amazing) as well as Frida directs this movie revolving around many of the Beatles' songs. This movie is going to be so beautiful.)

American Gangster [November 2]
(Denzel in a role where he is not a cop{finally!}, Russell Crowe, Chiwetel Ejiofor. Directed by Ridley Scott. Dude.That's really all you need to know.)

No Country For Old Men [November 21]
( The Coen Brothers {rarely} make a bad movie. With Tommy Lee Jones and more importantly Javier Bardem.


And finally this movie looks so quirky and fun, but romantic and it stars Jeff Garlin and Sarah Silverman. Looks Amazing and it comes out on September 5th-this Wednesday!. I'm really excited. Oh the film is titled I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With.

Awwwwww.

(And apparently Brian de Palma's film Redacted is mind blowing and stunning. Good deal.)
There you have it.
These may restore my faith in Hollywood.
Have fun out there. Happy Hunting.

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It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere-The Spoils of War

Newsweek published an article about the effects that war has on the zeitgeist, or more specifically the making and naming of drinks that evoke a certain conflict, or that at times can be used to mock the enemy. I had never really thought about it why, for instance the kamikaze shot is named kamikaze, but it makes sense. Or "getting bombed" or sake bomb or whatever. I know in my normal converstion I use the term "get blitzed" to mean get wasted inspired by the wreckage and quick force and power that the blitzkrieg was all about. Anyway I picked out the recipes from the article and compiled them here for easier consumption.

Osama bin Laden
1 oz Absinthe (or Pernod liquor)
1 dash(es) Tabasco Sauce
take as a shot.

Guantanamo Bay Breeze
a shake-up of 1 part citrus vodka,
tablespoon pureed pineapple and
2 part cranberry Juice

Jihad Cocktail
2 oz. Finlandia vodka,
3 oz. of lemon-lime soda, and
2 oz. of orange juice

Shock and Awe
a 100-proof shot of whiskey
dropped in a glass of Red Bull
taken as a shot

Afghanistany Whore
4 oz rum
1 can root beer
4 oz vodka

Dirty Bomb
2 oz absinthe (or vanilla liquor and jager)
1 can red bull
drop absinthe (or vanilla liquer/jager) into red bull
take as a shot

French 75
1 1/2 oz gin
2 tsp superfine sugar
1 1/2 oz lemon juice
4 oz chilled Champagne
1 slice orange
1 maraschino cherry

In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine the gin, sugar, and lemon juice. Shake well. Pour into a collins glass. Top with the champagne. Stir well and garnish with the orange slice and the cherry

Kamikaze shot
1 - 3 oz vodka
1 oz triple sec
1 oz lime juice

Napalm
1/2 oz Aftershock® Hot & Cool cinnamon schnapps
1/2 oz cinnamon schnapps
1 splash 151 proof rum

Pour into a shot glass in order; aftershock, schnapps, rum. Ignite the rum, allow to burn for a few seconds, extinguish, and serve.


Bombs away, bitches.

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The World is Full of Morons

And we thought L.C. Upton was "dumb."
TMZ conducted an interview at San Diego State to see how many of the respondents knew what year 9/11 occurred. C'mon San Diego I used to respect y'all. And I know its a very small sample but still. This is not good, people.
(But I think my favorite part of the article is TMZ' commentary at the end):

It is understandable though, that collegians would be more likely to remember the last time Britney had a hit rather than the day that changed America forever. Oh Brit Brit! Ding Dang!

Over 2,700 people lost their lives on September 11, 2001.

I mean could you go from anything more frivolous to anything more sombre? I'm sure you
could have put some sort of intermediate sentence or two. It's just a really abrupt transition.

Speaking of shaming the American Higher Educational system just watch this clip of a college kid (a junior at presumably Vanderbilt! wow) who flew out to be on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? and more importantly watch his face.


But we are not the only country of fools. Oh no. The whole world is filled with dolts. Here is a clip from the French Who Wants to be A Millionaire and it is shocking. Not only did this guy not know that the moon revolves around the Earth, but neither did half the audience. At least the college kid was probably hung over. Poor Sophie; your daddy is a moron. From Best Week Ever:

I mean even us U.S. Americans know that (hopefully.) Copernicus must be spinning in, err...Copernicus' grave must be spinning around him.

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Duke Football: You Heard It Here First

College Football season started last night ( ?!) and watching it and the pregame shot of all the college kids tailgating I realized, seemingly for the first time that I'll never be in college again and in those tailgate situations I'll from now on be a sketchy old fart. It was sort of sad. But of course there are millions of people no longer in college who still enjoy those festivities in those settings so that made me happy. And in honor of that, and the fact the first Duke tailgate of the year (coinciding and competing with the actual game) is tomorrow I thought I should give you my predictions for our season this year. Of course what I'm going to say now may be biased and of course it is, and to be honest I just want us to win a game. But the future is now ( and according to SI there are 19 worse teams then us. #100 with a bullet!) And just to be clear and open I fully expect us to make a bowl game this year ( I don't care if I've thought the same thing for the last three years it's happening now) and, to a lesser degree, once again, I expect "The" Thaddeus Lewis to garner himself a lot of praise and be thought about in the Heisman race for next season. And when it all comes to past just remember who you heard it from first.
Here's the schedule with my predictions in italics

Sat, Sep 1st, 2007 Connecticut (win by 7. god I hate UCONN)
Sat, Sep 8th, 2007 at Virginia (UVA is a lot better than UCONN. We'll be underprepared. I Blame Ted Roof. We lose.)
Sat, Sep 15th, 2007 at Northwestern (win by 10. Northwestern; I'm not impressed)
Sat, Sep 22nd, 2007 at Navy ( their jets are really cool. But we run a guerilla style insurgent type game and we eventually sap their will. Allahu Akbar, that's a win.)
Sat, Sep 29th, 2007 at Miami (win on last second field goal. We should have won last year but we got hosed. This time we shock the world. No probably not. 4 road games in a row is tough, Though don't be surprised if we pull it out.)
Sat, Oct 6th, 2007 Wake Forest ( We should have won last year's game by like 30. We're a year older and we won't have those same mistakes. This is the game that gets Thaddeus national recognition. We win by 14.)
Sat, Oct 13th, 2007 Virginia Tech ( I mean I know I can't root against Va Tech but their team is so dirty and full of cheap shot artist. They are still better then us though. Bastards. We don't win.)
Sat, Oct 27th, 2007 at Florida State (we're this years Wake. They beat FSU last year in Doak Walker, so will we. Winner.)
Sat, Nov 3rd, 2007 Clemson (a classic let down game, though Clemson is no push over. I think Tommy will want revenge for us whupping his Daddy. He gets it. We don't win.)
Sat, Nov 10th, 2007 Georgia Tech ( we beat them a few years back and now they don't have Calvin Johnson. We win and clinch bowl eligibilty.)
Sat, Nov 17th, 2007 at Notre Dame (why did we schedule this game? I feel our team may be overwhelmed by the aura and the environment. We don't win.)
Sat, Nov 24th, 2007 at UNC (win by 4. GTHCGTHC. The Bell belongs with us. And we get into a bowl game. Sweet.)
Final record 7-5 (not including the bowl result.)
There you go people the 2007 Duke Football season in a nutshell.
Get excited people. DUKE FOOTBALL ( wooooooo!!!!!! god I hope we win a game)

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The Good and the Bad of Having a Celebrity Parent.



Firstly since this people were famous they had to have been attractive with great genes ( americans don't like to watch ugly people) So odds are you're going to be quite gorgeous. For example:
When I first saw the picture on the right (or as it is laid out, the picture above), of Ingrid Bergman I thought it had been mislabeled and was actually her daughter Isabella Rossellini (on the left) I mean they look exactly the same.Fabulous cheek bones and skin. People always tell me that I look exactly like my mom, which isn't a really bad thing and if I end up looking as good as she is at her age I'll be quite content, but I had never seen the effects of genes or whatever this clearly. (and now I pretend to be sad because, barring major major scientific breakthroughs my genes die with me)::sighs:: [and that was going to be the whole post because I thought the fact they look like the same person would be enough, But as I tend to do I decided to "make a day" of it. You'll see]
Downside: You're always going to live in the shadow of your far more famous and accomplished mom.

Secondly you're probably going to be loaded ( I mean rich but they'll probably end up loaded on prescription and nonprescription drugs.) Even Britney's kids. Somehow, in the custody proceedings that she's in her financial records show that she's making almost $740,ooo a month! ( straight cash, homey) I'm assuming this figure comes from when, y'know, she was still working and not busy rehabbing, breaking down, shaving head, rehabbing, breaking down, forgetting what underwear is. Otherwise, how? Does she still have that perfume line? Is that where it comes from cuz I don't think they actually pay for crazy. So somehow those kids aren't going to be poor and in foster care anytime sign.
Downside: Your parents, in this case K-Fed and Britney, are crazy and white trashy. Odds are you'll end up the same and spend a lot of your inheritance in therapy or on posting bail. Well that and buying Skoal.

Thirdly you're name is famous internationally before you can even speak ( which probably isn't a good thing, but I need something to somehow fit in this next item.) Or let's try this; your parents lifestyle will probably teach you to be tolerant and nonjudgmental and open to all types of people. Last night my esteemed and beloved LME cofounder got into a rather heated (I'm not sure why) discussion on though Suri is cute as hell, if there's no way she'll have a normal life and she has already been irreparably damaged by her parents (cough cough Tom.) Especially her closeted Scientologist (would I be sued if I said he seduced me and had sex with me after the results of my Scientologist Personality Test were revealed, all the while screaming in the throes of passion " it's a cult, yeah Scientology is a cult, baby"?) to me movie star of a father that can't be good for emotional development (and yeah she does look just like him so I believe she's not an alien, unless she's from the planet InV itro.) And of course you're going to end up in therapy for years, after growing up seeing your mom live like this

(via Radar)
Upside: Now you're adorable. Downside: You'll always be your dad's girl.
(and yeah most of this post was just an excuse and a set up to show that Katie Holmes video. Eh, sue me. {please don't})

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Sometimes I Really Wish I Was Smarter

I've had this for awhile but I didn't know how to fit it in so I didn't. But anyway astronomers have found a gaping hole in the Universe, nearly a billion light years across devoid of stars, galaxies, gas and even dark matter. I really have always been fascinated with astrophysics and the like and the questions it rises (here's my theory on the Big Bang that I first thought about in 6th grade history class: the material necessary for it came from the end of the past universe in the Big Squeeze or contraction or crunch, where all matter in the universe contained itself into that speck that Banged and birthed the Universe and it is a cycle and this cycle of universe birth and death will conitnue for all of time. That's as deep as I can go), and I would have loved to study it but I think the fact I suck at math may hinder me. But it always blows my mind.
The Universe really scares me sometimes and makes my brain hurt trying to think of the scope and size of all existence where a hole that would take light a billion years to go across has just now been discovered.I don't feel this has been made as public and as big a deal as it should be. Just think of the metaphysical leaps and questions that this can raise. There are huge holes of nothingness scattered all over all that we can imagine and more. The Universe the Everything The Endless Boundless in certain parts it's a little patchy. I really wish I was smarter so I could understand if this means that these could possibly be wormholes or gateways/tunnels to other universes and levels of existence. Or maybe we were right when we were kids in elementary school and we hypothesized (at least me and some friends) that maybe the Universe is a piece of cheese (in this case swiss) on a sandwich eaten by an off duty police officer.
And you know how Keanu Reeves is always mocked and ridiculed and deemed to be a slacker intellectually because of his Ted persona. I actually think he may be the wisest of us all and is actually pondering the size and scope and life cycle of the Universe and our infinitely small place in it All you can say when you actually think about it is "Whoa"

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Coonie Tunes

It's only the second week of this and I feel like I'm tempting the Black Crusaders to come down upon me. Anyway this cartoon is Little Black Sambo and it is based on a 19th century Colonial Indian children's tale. I guess sambo in this instance is supposed to be Indian ( so all of my brown friends; you are allowed to be offended as well) there are no tigers in Africa but this is just full of racist black stereotypes. From the very tar like appearance of the mother and son's skin to the mom being a perfect Mammy type, using a washboard to wash her boy and darkening the water and then dusting him with black baby powder. The first minute or so is really hard to talk but then it evolves into a basic cartoon, Tom and Jerry or Sylvester type deal.
And posting this video today really gave my pass because the version I had and that is the most viewed on Youtube was posted by a White Supremacist site that had a link to a White Nationalist website in his profile, more racist shit, a plea to the 1st Amendment (I really hate that Amendment sometimes) and the number 1 linking site to that version of the video was a pretty scary white supremacy site, so I didn't and don't want to "support" any of those views or give that poster any more power by using his version, and I hope these Friday Mornings are not seen as perpetuating stereotypes but I hope they are used rather to look back at shameful periods of our history where cartoons like the following were made and enjoyed, periods where fear or hatred possibly indoctrinated the next generation with this stereotypes and xenophobia and continued this long disgusting and hate filled cycle which in the end only causes more violence and distrust. And the beat goes on. Anyway here is Little Black Sambo from I think 1935


( ah and at least the main linking site to this version is Weezer nation, so hopefully they're just ironic hipster kids.)

Dead Kennedys- Nazi Punks Fuck Off (mp3)

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Thursday, August 30, 2007

Your Beyond Amazing, Simply Perfect Stuck in My Head Song of the Day

First a confession, because if I achieve nothing else on this site I try to be totally honest, I could not think of a single song that was in my head today. The only thing I could think of was Juliette Lewis' cover of PJ Harvey's "Hardly Wait" but it didn't feel right and the video didn't have the whole song. And after my last post, which I think sucks, and the alcohol in my system I got rather emotional and tried to find a perfect song that would convey what I was feeling, whatever this indescribable feeling is, or at least something related to the last post. So I skipped through songs in my library for about 90 minutes, discarded some immediately, thinking others would have to do, and thinking about maybe just saying fuck it and not having one tonight. Because after having a lot of really good posts today the last two, the most important two would end up being horrible.All the while feeling like more of a failure and getting closer and closer to crying.
But then Radiohead's True Love Waits began to play (or more specifically Thom Yorke's solo version from a school benefit) and I began to think, naturally, of Hubby and how this is the first Thursday Thursday that I haven't spoken to her, through e-mail at the least, and how this is the first of too too many until September of 2009, and it is kind of like love; you know when you know and I knew that no other song would be so perfect, no other song could take me out of my weird drunken state of self pity than one that makes me think of her. And the song is beyond tremendous, one of my top 10 all time I'd say,I can't even describe it really. So i won't even try but leave you with the lyrics here and a mp3 version below, with a youtube performance in between.


Radiohead- True Love Waits (mp3)
Man I love that band. God, I really miss Julia. Okay I'm going to cry happier tears when I fall asleep tonight. I guess that's enough.

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TMI: I Want A Perfect Body

I should want a perfect soul. This post was originally going to carry on from Agrado's monologue in the last post where I was going to talk about how expensive this life is and will be. And I think that will be what some of this post will end up being about but in the intervening few hours this heat wave we seem to be going through, along with me eating (probably too much) has sapped much of my energy and enthusiasim for that. (and I still don't have a song for stuck in my head; I'm a mess right now) But I need to start this someplace so let's start here.
My life has always been an expensive one. First by going to the wealthiest high school west of the mississippi (according to one of my old classmates) then going to Duke where one year of school cost more than all 4 years of my brother's. Not to mention all the accesories and things you must do (i'm sure that throughout college I must have spent at least 7 thousand dollars on alcohol.)
And then of course there is the price of being a transsexual. Growing up I'm not sure how much money I spent buying clothes or lingerie (that my mom would inevitably find and throw away all without saying anything to me about it) or other enhancements (I think a pair of silicone prosthetic breasts, like professional ones cost like 450.) But all of those were minor expenses. The hormones I'm currently on, total about 400 dollars for about a 4 month supply. I need to somehow cobble together a full working woman's wardrobe (all of my clothes to this point hae been more party dress and club wear oriented.) In my mind at least I feel I have to leave in a big tolerant city, like New York or San Fran where people wouldn't care that I'm a tranny ( I can't live in L.A.- it feels too much like I'm trapped by the notion of home and the oppresion of my "past" here) but of course those are like the most expensive cities in the country, almost as if once people live there they're really open to all types because they're paying too much too hate and worry about if that girl has a penis. But once I somehow live in this city and split a 2400 dollar per month rent the upkeep on being a girl is incredibly high and a little frightening. Especially on like 30 thousand a year ( which I'm not actually sure how far that goes, but it doesn't seem like a lot. Of course I've never had to work in my life so I probably don't know the value of a dollar.)And though the upkeep alone is pretty high, just to reach the point where I need basic upkeep I feel at least in my mind that I need quite a bit of work. First my therapist and god knows how much she's charging but I also need voice therapy ( it was weird how I've always had this very sonorous and gorgeous and dignified voice, but I always hated it because it is in no way feminine, and though it is slightly better I still hate to talk.) I really need electrolysis just because shaving is a total bitch, but that's going to cost all total legs/face and misc. about 1500 dollars (thank god I'm not really hairy.) And then of course there are the major surgeries a tracheal shave, (electrolysis and a tracheal shave are all I really think I need right now) and forehead surgery as well as breast implants, a slight tweak of a nose job, the reshaping of my jaw and then the big one SRS all total is going to be around 15 thousand (and I'm quite lucky that I've always had rather girl features)And that's if it's performed in Thailand, where they have a tonne of experience because it is cheaper there but, call it ethnocentrism or whatever, but for most medical things I feel I would be more comfortable with someone in America.(and I'm not even sure what all other surgeries I may need; I haven't gotten that far in consulting) Right now I 'm happy because I look "like a girl" and even if I were to try to dress like a boy (I still get called Miss) that tends to confuse people more then when I'm wearing a skirt but it is like I am in the process of becoming who I've always wanted through the act of physically changing my body, and while I'm in the midst of it I'm as tempted to make myslef idealized and super attractive, right now I'm just cute, at times hot, but I do live in L.A. and I think I fall under the sway of the superficial.
Just the idea of how I'm going to get all that money is really scary, just because I don't know how to picture that amount and expenses for anyone just out of college are so high. (and yes there are dark times when I figure I could get a few hundred bucks if I worked as a sex worker, though I probably won't, though I never say never)But also the physical nature and results of all those surgeries gives me pause. I've never had any sort of surgery or gone under anesthesia and I'm not sure how my body would actually take it. Since I was a little kid I keloid and though it has gotten better in recent years I'm still scared of the scarring that may result. I mean I haven't even gotten my ears pierced for the very reason of I don't know if there will be a gigantic amount of scar tissue, or whatever. That is actually one of the reasons I delayed starting transition because I didn't think I would want to start it if I could never actually complete it ( i figured, in one of my self sacrificing moments, to suffer this life as a boy and just pray karma built up for the next life) but now when I am really just totally stuck in the middle I can see how and why some transsexuals choose to be non op. I don't think that's for me though. I mean my penis (which is really odd to say) has gotten to the point where most of the time I forget it's their but of course there are always those random and awkward situations, and also just when I actually want something sexually (desires which I have felt only in the abstract of abstracts for the past 5 months) that itself causes so many potentially harmful problems. I hear a lot of stories about other transsexuals who absolutely hated their penis all growing up, I hated mine for what it stood for and represented but never the physical reality of it, though that was before I was trying to fit into certain jeans and have no unfortunate bulges. But anyway in this one documentary my mom and I watched about transgendered inmates there was one inmate who was very self destructive and castrated herself and then removed the phallus and I had never thought about that. It guess I thought it was the reserve for people who felt they had no other option, or those with sever psychosis. But to be honest,though I would never actually take a pair of scissors or anything (though it seems like it would be so easy) I can understand that desire to have it gone of just wanting to be rid of it. (too bad I'm not fond of blood or pain.)It serves no function but to mark me not as a freak, but if someone were to be in that intimate a situation it would label me as a sexual threat and a disruptive element in most people's world views. And I have really begun to get upset with myself because I'm spending so much time and effort and thought on trying to perfect my appearance ( I thought I was above wanting breast implants- it seemed so shallow, but I would kill for just a B cup), to make my body the right shape, to convey the right movements, to be undetectable, gorgeous, desired that I fear many of my other interest may be taking a back seat. Even if it may endanger my health. (Though as I think of it I've been trying to make sure and prepare my body for this day to make it as pliable to ebing female as I could, by having my eating a bit disordered since I was 17, and like cutting out smoking because (GROSS ALERT) smoking removes the elasticity of the skin, including penile skin, so to wuit would allow for better vaginoplasty results. ) I never fully understood the so called feminine focus on looking their best, back when I was a boy I didn't really care how that body looked because I felt no affinity or connection to it, but now I weigh myself every 6 hours and obsess constantly about my hair and face and how to get better cleavage.
But like Agrado said, kind of, sure all of this is and will be so expensive, and though I'm not sure where the money will come from, the tens of thousands of dollars, but sitting where I am now I can say it has totally been worth it, and not just in the monetary cost but in the emotional turmoil fear and self doubt and feelings of isolation, and I really have no doubt that as I'm attending my reunion in 2017 those whole journey will have been the most wonderful part of my life. But I would always know that the next day will be even happier than the last.

and i really feel like that all made no sense and came out nowhere close to what i wanted. that was poor. ugh. i totally have to try to restate the crux of this post later. hopefully when i'm not sweating and feeling disgusting in a bad mood.

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Speeches on Becoming

... just a person or on the art and skill and passion needed to become a woman. I had originally only planned on posting one of these this week but I can never make a decision and I felt I could tie them together thematically so that's what I'm going to try.
This first speech is from the very end (though it doesn't contain any real spoilers if you're fearful) of Woody Allen's Crimes and Misdemeanors and just recently I've begun to fully appreciate his work in the 80s and early 90s. What a writer. Here he sums up what it means to be human and how we all become who we do. This speech is truly tremendous.

Glenn Close is always a little psychotic seeming, always intense and in this clip from Dangerous Liaisons you get a taste of how she became who she became and the constraints and benefits that being a woman denied and allowed her. The part that I want to focus on starts about a minute in and begins with something like "when I came out at 15.."

And finally this is the clip that I was originally going to post alone this week. It is from one of my favorite movies Todo Sobre Mi Madre directed by Almodovar (who I adore.) It is the monologue of Agrado and it is not such a negative or manipulative view of women as does the preceding clip but and as seems to happen a lot it is given by a transgender woman who is trying to point out the cost of being "authentic" and the beauty of the struggle. And no matter how much it costs through money or pain it is worth it to finally become who you always were. And I don't think that makes sense. I think you'll be able to take from it what you should and will understand it better than in any words I can use. ( If you know spanish because for the life of me I can not find the version with subtitles. Let's be bilingual, shall we?

Here's the spanish text
"Por causas ajenas a su voluntad, dos de las actrices que diariamente triunfan sobre este escenario hoy no pueden estar aquí. ¡Pobrecillas!... Así que se suspendela función. A los que quieran, se les devolverá el dinero de la entrada, pero a los que no tengan nada mejor que hacer -y para una vez que venid al teatro- es una pena que os vayáis. Si os quedáis, yo prometo entreteneros contándoles la historia de mi vida. (Algunas personas se paran, especialmente unos ancianos). ¡Adiós, los siento!, eh. Si les aburro, hagan como que roncan.. ¡Así! Yo me cojo enseguida y para nada hieren mi sensibilidad, de verdad.
Me llaman La Agrado, porque toda mi vida sólo he pretendido hacerle la vida agradable a los demás. Además de agradable, soy muy auténtica. ¡Miren qué cuerpo! Todo hecho a medida... Rasgado de ojos, ochenta mil. Nariz, doscientos mil...¡tirados a la basura!, porque un año después me la pusieron así de otro palizón. Ya sé que me da mucha personalidad, pero si llego a saberlo, ni me la toco.
Continúo... ¿Tetas? Dos... porque no soy ningún monstruo. Setenta mil cada una, pero éstas ya las tengo súper amortizadas. Silicon... Labios, frente, pómulos, cadera y culo. El litro cuesta unas cien mil, así que hechan la cuenta, porque yo ya la he perdido. Limadura de mandíbula, setenta mil. Depilación definitiva láser -porque la mujer también viene del mono, bueno, tanto o más que el hombre-, sesenta mil por sessión. Depende de lo barbuda que uno sea, lo normal es de dos a cuatro sesiones... Pero si eres folclórica necesitas más, claro.

Bueno, lo que les estaba diciendo es que cuesta mucho ser auténtica, señora. Y en estas cosas no hay que ser rácana... porque una es más auténtica cuanto más se parezcaa lo que se ha soñado de sí misma".

"It cost me a lot to be authentic. But we must not be cheap in regards to the way we look. Because a woman is more authentic the more she looks like what she has dreamed for herself."
but it's true for you guys as well...

(and I'm sorry I couldn't find the video or the text in english to make it easier but I'll keep looking for it. Or if you want you can email me I guess and I can try to translate. I'm sorry ya'll. That really disappointed me:(

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There's Something to be Said about Responsibilty

(hmm I'm not sure how much I like that title. Sounds way too moralistic)

Mark this next story among the Annals of Good Parenting. A 24 year old Indiana mother knew she should not be driving, being a bit intoxicated with the Percoset and "86 sleeping pills" she had ingestd over the previous 2 days, along with Grey Goose screwdrivers. So she did what any responsible person would do, she got a DD to drive her home. But what elevates this story into a classic is the fact that it was her 5 year old son who drove her home. When asked if her boy had driven her home the mom replied "He's a good driver" though the boy felt he wasn't the best because he "couldn't reach the pedals." You can read the full story and affidavit at the Smoking Gun website.
All I have to say about this is at least she didn't let the 3 year old drive. I think she was just practicing responsibility and trying to instill that in her eldest son. She was showing her kids that they should never drive when they're drunk, even if they have no other way to get home. She was also teaching her 5 year old to be the big brother and watch over his little brother by making sure to drive them home safely, as well as preparing him for that day in the future when the mom is elderly and he has to take care of her.It sounds like he's driven before so it wasn't like she just threw him there without any practice. I feel this kid is going to be incredible mature and responsible and cool under stress when he grows up. He already seems pretty self aware and smart; he did get them home safely after all.

And speaking of women doing the responsible thing Hillary, who is my second choice to be the Next President is donating 23 thousand dollars she received from a donor who has outstanding warrants after skipping out on sentencing for a 1991 fraud conviction and a habit of fund raising a little shadily, to charity. Hillary and her campaign don't want that taint of scandal and impropriety that a further association with Mr. Hsu may bring. it would be especially imprudent after the recent criticism of accepting lobbyist's money and the fear of political beholdedness. Barack, who has been issuing some of the strongest criticisms will not be returning or donating any of Mr. Hsu's money and I must ask why. It seems a bit hypocritical and that Barack is once again dimming that bright light he once had where people believed he would not just be another politician but would be above it all. Whatever happened to that hope? And so concludes this chapter where I feel the need to point out every one of Obama's missteps in the hopes that the movers, shakers and political kingmakers who (of course) read this site to "make a more informed decision" and realize Barack will be a great choice and great president...in 2016. Just not yet.
{UPDATE: 5:30. Barack said he's giving back the money. Damn I'm influential}

Speaking of kingmakers I just had this thought when thinking about why I don't like Oprah. And of course my thoughts strayed to the gutter and the gay rumours that quietly follow her. I sort of kind of think she is, for the obvious reasons that she's over 50, never been married and had Steadman act as the perfect beard (I mean how often did you really see him and how often did you hear his voice) for twenty years, and the fact that when you're sexually abused and assaulted when you're young you may be a little turned off of guys. But anyways. Is she now so trapped by her fame, position and power that even if she were a lesbian and wanted to come out she couldn't?. There are millions of women that look up to her but (in my view) they're mostly white conservative type housewives who may have just gotten past that fact she is black. If she were to change her identity so dramatically and announce she is a lesbian I don't think she would have that same transcendence of race and class as she has now, sadly. I would hope that the courage to do that, when you have the world to lose, would enhance her reputation and public esteem, but I unfortunately don't think it would. She would be viewed and boxed in as a lesbian and not just "Oprah." That, I think, while it would endear her, have her be celebrated and made an icon by progressives and the LGBT community I sadly feel her current trend definer status for the "regular people" would be lost.
But if she were to never come out and at the end of her life somehow, in lost letters or a biography it was revealed she was a lesbian, or struggled over the decision to not come out would that totally destroy her image as someone who (I think) is all about people being open and honest and happy with who they are? Would all of her lessons in empowerment be lies? Would she be considered a fraud? Would that be her legacy?
(yup. a totally random thought.)

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The Theater of Bathroom Sex

Larry Craig said he originally entered a guilty plea because he thought that would make the whole thing go away. Yeahhh, about that. As I'm sure you know it hasn't and in the past couple of days there has been much glee and best expressed through reenactments of the incident (script provided by the arresting officer's report)
First up is the "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" production. The Dragnet theme is a little overdone, at least to me, and though Keith stated that he wanted the droll dry Dragnet style it is totally played for laughs, but you decide:

This is a more low budget, spur of the moment reenactment done by a local tv news outfit (in I don't know where.) My favorite part is the female broadcaster apologizing for her ignorance of male bathrooms:

And finally we have the Slate V Version, once again choosing a grainy black and white feel which adds it's own layer of noir and seedy acts and sordidness.


When I first heard about the story I thought he was arrested just on the basis of tapping his foot, but him looking repeatedly into the stall and waving his hand is really creepy and disgusting. But it reminds me when I was in a guys bathroom stall and written near the bottom of the divider was the instruction "Tap foot 4 BJ" which I never thought much of, or was really curious about ( though it seemed like it should have a schedule of times are something.) But once again there is nothing really erotic about a bathroom. To me. For others however...(and if you include yourself in that group just remember I don't judge) Slate has a very informative article on bathroom cruising. The tapping of the foot is kinda like a ballet in it's own way with intricate and specific rituals (showing the wedding band to increase allure.) Eh, I don't know. Someone's gonna have to buy me a drink (or three) first.

{UPDATE 1:50 p.m. CNN is broadcasting the audio of the interview immediately following the arrest and it is AMAZING. I'll try to find it somewhere online because you really need to hear it.}
{Update 1:59 p.m. here's a link . I'm not sure if it is the full interview though}{This might be better, and it has the transcript as well}

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The Kid'll Be All Right

Lauren Caitlin Upton. Seriously that answer (which you have to have seen by now even if you live in Peoria) was the best thing that could have ever happened to her. I mean I didn't even know about the pageant, have seen no other footage and have no clue who win (and really don't care, but how pissed do you think the actual Miss Teen America winner, or whatever, is?) But everyone knows Miss Teen South Carolina. ( Over 10 million total views and counting in just 6 days;wow!)
She's taken it all in stride and has had some fun with it including hosting a Geography quiz on People.com which was surprisingly hard, I only got a 4 out of 7 ( you can try to do better here)

And let's be honest she might not be the brightest bulb in the batch but she's blond and attractive and has a nice southern accent; she'll do quite fine in life. ( I could see her working for Fox/Fox news) And even though she's going to App. St. at least she's getting out of South Carolina. A word of advice sweetie: don't look back. You're a star! (at least until you marry a nice southern boy and raise your kids in a quiet Methodist church.) Ah I miss the south.

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A Truly Classic Commercial

So sometime last week when I was on Youtube doing...research I came upon the long version of that old animated Tootsie Roll Pop commercial that they still use. ( I don't think I've actually had a tootsie roll since I was like 9, and I'm pretty sure I don't like them but I still dig the commercial) I had never seen the full minute version so I was naturally intrigued and watched it. Since you probably haven't seen it either this should be a treat for you.

I'm not sure I like this version as much as the shorter spot. The story seems to be more of like some native folktale allegory and fables something like the Anansi stories we used to read in elementary school, instead of it just being a commercial about a smart ass and lazy owl owning a far too trusting kid.

Yeah.That owl is pretty sweet. And let that be a lesson to you kid; never give up your goodies that easily and don't trust someone who's still wearing a mortar board.
Wow, what did we ever do in a world before Youtube?

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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Your Simply Amazing Stuck in My Head Song of the Day

Since the moment when I woke up this morning I've only had one song stuck in my head, for rather unfortunate reasons. ( but first, in an attempt to lighten the mood; how pissed would you be if you were named Katrina and then all of a sudden the most infamous hurricane ever bears your name. Don't you wish it would have occurred later and been named Lawrence or something? And what American parent in the next 20 years will name their kid Katrina?) And though the song was written in the 70s about another great flood it fit perfectly what happened in the aftermath of Katrina. The first time I heard it in a documentary that one of my professors had made about Common Ground Relief over Thanksgiving of 2005, I listened to it so many times in a row and couldn't stop crying. I'll never be able to get the chorus out of my head "Louisiana, Louisiana. They tryin' to wash us away, they tryin' to wash us away." It certainly seemed that's what the government was doing. Anyway the song is Louisiana 1927 by Randy Newman. It'll break your heart.
What has happened down here is the wind have changed
Clouds roll in from the north and it started to rain
Rained real hard and rained for a real long time
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline

The river rose all day
The river rose all night
Some people got lost in the flood
Some people got away alright
The river have busted through cleard down to Plaquemines
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away

President Coolidge came down in a railroad train
With a little fat man with a note-pad in his hand
The President say, "Little fat man isn't it a shame what the river has
done
To this poor crackers land."

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away

Louisiana 1927 (lyrics)(mp3)

never forget.

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170,000 and One...


Let me apologize because this is a day late, but yesterday was a strange long full post day so it's better this way. Anywhoo. Happy Belated Birthday to my favorite British Centenarian! Winnie Langley ( I love that name) turned 100 and celebrated by puffing a cigarette light by the candles. it was the 170 thousandth she's smoked. She started smoking them after Archduke Ferdinand was shot (wow) and she goes through 5 a day (wow my math is horrible; I thought it was about 17 a day). She was seven and she started smoking because "it helped steady the nerves" And she's outlived her husband and a son.
So take that all you anti smoking activists (which seems to be more and more of the world now.) I guess the trick is you don't inhale (god Bill Clinton was a genius, advocating healthy living and all.) Though that is such a tease.
So Winnie once again congrats! You are an inspiration ( I had quit but...). And may you live another 36527 days. (she is so adorable!)

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Final Ookie Post at Least until the Next One

So this is my last bit of unsolicited advice but PTI had a topic about whether going on Oprah could help rehabilitate Mike Vick's image. I am really over Oprah (never been a fan) but that got me thinking and this is what I figure: if between now and his sentencing Mike Vick were to appear on like a special 90 minute edition of Larry King Live or some other national call in show it might help.
Have Larry, the horrible interviewer he is, interview Vick for about half an hour and then open the phone lines and have whoever, the most rabid anti-Vickist or rabid PETA supporters have their say to call in and tell him what they think of him. Disparage him, scream at him curse and call him awful in all ways. The whole time keep the camera focused on Vick. If Vick is actually as contrite and remorseful as he says it is this will be a little bit of penance. And though the experience would be quite awkward (for the viewer) and difficult for Vick, it would be fascinating and I think it may turn opinion to the smallest degree. Americans may like to humilate people but they don't necessarily like to watch when hundreds of people in a row call in to basically throw rotten tomatoes at someone. Eventually they will think he's had or suffered enough of such a punishment and may begin to feel sympathy for him. Especially if they can see the emotional toll on his face and that he is racked with guilt.

All people want to, more than actual remorse sometimes, is to see that a punishment has been served and such a public shaming and humiliation will give them more satisfaction then him being locked away in, what many will always call Club Fed. And then once he actually gets out of jail I think people will be more ready to move on.

I'm not sure I articulated that well, but I think you may get the idea. And anyway it's just a thought.

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Things that are too cool/trendy for me

but of course I still want to experience.

  • For the teenager who spent 500 hours (!) hacking an iPhone in order to make it work on any carrier to give it to me. I mean I'd trade it. For, hmm... let's say I'd give him a hug. I have a feeling it would be the most female affectation he's ever gotten.(I mean seriously! could you not shower and wash your hair before the photographer came? Or did they sneak in on you at that exact moment when you finally hacked into it and you were surprised?) This kid is soo going to be richer than I can even imagine.

  • But who needs a tonne of money when you have a house this cool.The Single Hauz, which looks like a thicker billboard, just seems so awesome. And plus the cachet of having it before most people is priceless. Sure you won't be able to throw huge keggers (or probably even small dinner, but who needs friends anyway? And this way you always have an excuse not to have houseguests.
  • Yeah friends are overrated. Though I really want to get so many of these Hug Shirts to send to them for those moments when I want to be utterly sentimental or we both need to know someone else is there and cares (awww)
  • Once again another thing I want is for Americans to sacrifice their SUVs for the good of the world. Just like Prospective President John Edwards says.
  • I'm calling it now Interstellar will be the greatest movie ever. Directed by Spielberg. A plot written by Jonathan Nolan concerning wormholes and other hypotheses Einstein was never able to prove? There's no way it won't be amazing. God I can't wait. Now I have another reason to wish for 2009 to come sooner. I see no point in 2008.
  • For us as US Americans to finally get the truly accurate maps we need. I think these would do quite nicely.
  • To have my very own Mclovin id. What's that? I can? Well, isn't that just special.
  • And finally for the new American Gladiators to be just as awesome as the original one. It was and is still the greatest competition show on tv. Don't screw it up or "update it" too much. We don't need to see the contestants train or learn their personalities; that's far too common and boring ( I will choose who to root for, thank you very much) Just keep the spandex and the big hair, but failing that... Please keep the cheesy names. Ah Nitro, Lace and who can forget Malibu? I've never been happier about the Fall. So. Excited.

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And now for something completely different

Yeah the last post was a bit of a downer so to make it up to you I give you this video. It really needs no set-up... Except it's always fun and games until Johnny falls to the ground crying like a 4 year old girl.



Haahahaa. I just watched that like 8 times in a row. I think my favorite part is when the fatter kid sees the skateboard coming and shrieks "Oh shit." Bloody Brilliant.That really made me happy. Does the fact that I enjoy laughing at children in pain make me a horrible person? Maaybbee, but here it is in slo-mo




(via With Leather)

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2 Years Later

As you must know today is the 2nd anniversary of Katrina making landfall. I don't remember exactly where I was but I think I was trying to track down my visa so I could actually go and fly to Italy two days later. I think it was one of those things where I heard there was a hurricane, but there have always been hurricanes, so I didn't really care. I only learned about how terrible it was a few days later sitting in my room in a convent in Italy and reading the horrific news on the Internet. It was such a tragedy and it was so disheartening to see our government fail at the most basic and important thing a government must do; protect its citizens. Instead in those images, with black faces behind wires, America looked like a 3rd world nation. I got into a lot of very heated transatlantic IM arguments with conservative friends. But even then I agreed with Kanye:


When I got back to school, in the spring of 2006, I had the opportunity to take a documentary studies class where we would go down to New Orleans and help the recovery and also document the workers who had gone down to New Orleans to help, what drew them, what kept them going, and try to tell their stories. On our way there, and I know it sounds like a cliche but pictures really don't do the damage justice. It is hard to convey the extent when neighborhoods were just washed away, or the emotional destruction of seeing someone's life in moldy piles still inside their homes, 6 months after the fact.Along with a UNC partner we were assigned to an amazing organization in St. Bernard's Parish called Project H.O.P.E. (Helping Other People in Everyway.) It was created and founded and fully run by college aged kids (some of the best people I have met in my life) who just saw the devastation wanted to make a difference and so came down and started to do anything they could to help making a place where volunteers would come and stay for however long as they felt the needed to, where residents could get supplies, where the H.O.P.E. workers would try to gut their houses and prevent the spread of black mold , while also trying to advocate politically for the return of New Orleans and also help and empower those community partners to do the same.
One thing I will never forget is during our first day there when we were waiting for our rental cars we saw a group of high school students tired and dirty but so excited and motivated who had just spent a week or so cleaning and helping the recovery as well as they could. Our last day there when we as a group when we were going through the security checkpoint in the airport, dirty, stinking, tired and disgusting on the other side of the glass a similar sized group was just getting off a plane carrying their back packs and nalgenes and evidently coming to help the recovery efforts as best as they could. It was quite heartening to watch that the young people were taking it upon themselves to try to help especially in a place that the government had neglected. And the hope that they all had no matter how hopeless or hard the struggle may seem.
Even before I had actually gone down there myself the issues of class and privilege race and environmental justice were so strong and evident and they still are evident of what I consider among the most shameful in our nation's history. 2 years later and nothing has changed. This is the website our class created and though it is over a year old some of the same issues are still right there though people may want to forget or move on.
Here is the documentary that Kelly and I made based on our experiences with Project H.O.P.E. It's probably the thing that I'm most proud of every doing. All the voices you hear* are of those workers who cared enough to come down, as well as some of the stories of neighborhood residents. Though these interviews were conducted, now almost 18 months ago, if you've paid attention to any news you'll see that most of the same issues/concerns/problems have not been resolved. And here's the Project H.O.P.E. website if you're so moved to get involved.

*Though the first track was actually recorded inside a house we were gutting in an attempt to capture that atmosphere.

Gutting Intro (mp3)
The Project H.O.P.E. Project (zip)

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Overheard in L.M.E.- Dominance Through Arrogance

the platypus has not yet walked on land.
from the 16th of June

ev livid e: you'd better have a shout out to lme
a dam e: don't worry; one of my first ever post will be dedicated to the greatness of our convos
ev livid e: oh dear
ev livid e: i am worried
a dam e: don't be
ev livid e: i hope its the edited, censored, unoffensive edit that you'll put up
a dam e: when/if i write it i'll send you a link so you can give approval
a dam e: i'll censor your name
ev livid e: but put a pseudonym that people who know and love me could figure out
a dam e: i'll call you nina
ev livid e: no
a dam e: or what's a french name you like
ev livid e: gisele-veline
ev livid e: jk, you don't have to censor
ev livid e: i am proud of who i am, and the conversations we've had
a dam e: what's veline? a region or a last name
ev livid e: we've had many great convos
a dam e: as you should be
ev livid e: the hyphen masks the eveline
a dam e: ah
a dam e: its kinda like my proposed acapella group blued evil
ev livid e: oooooh
ev livid e: i like that!
ev livid e: is there a word for these delightful types of phrases
ev livid e: devil edeggs
a dam e: that didn't work
a dam e: LME-ilicious
ev livid e: although i'd say LME-orous before lme-ilicious
ev livid e: lme-ilicious sounds too claire's, limited too
ev livid e: LME-orous or LME-oyalty
a dam e: yeah i like LME-orous a lot
ev livid e: that sounds regal, and pompous. aka just right
a dam e: obvi
a dam e: just kidding
ev livid e: and if one were to casually use it in a sentence, it would glide off the tongue. like luh-MEE-or-ous
ev livid e: le-mir-ess
ev livid e: YES!
a dam e: hahha
...
a dam e: btw, this convo may be the one i post to explain the greatness of LME
a dam e: i'll write it in calligraphy {UPDATE: I don't think I can actually do that}
ev livid e: excellent
ev livid e: LME is so out of reach for the common people that we don't even need to obey the laws of phonetics. those who are privileged know how to pronounce it!
a dam e: it's like a secret religion
ev livid e: without the red tape. or robes.
ev livid e: GET IT
a dam e: of course
a dam e: do you know who i am?
ev livid e: you mean, the only other person on this planet who deserves to be in LME, let alone even understands LME and its importance?
a dam e: exactly

i repeat: the platypus has not yet walked on land.

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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Your Simply Amazing Stuck in My Head Song of the Day

This song somehow came on twice over the course of today, even though it seems like the odds would be well against it, so I'm taking it as a sign. The second time it came on, about 5 and half a minutes ago it actually helped to calm me down and settle me because for the last few hours I've not been in a happy place (thoughts of failure; yay mood swings.ugh) But this song is so beautiful it reminds me of what I believe a french countryside would sound like and the music echoes and captures the water cascading that I'm sure would be present on Cascade Street. Oh yeah I haven't mentioned it yet but your simply amazing stuck in my head song of the day is Rue des Cascades by Yann Tiersen.
Everlyn, my esteemed co-founder and resident sex goddess of LME first gave me this song and I will always have to thank her for that. The first few times I listened to it I was so captivated by the music and instrumentation that I thought the song was in French (it's not.at least this version. obviously) But once I learned better the words really enhance the experience. The lyrics are simple,but I don' think I need to point out the complexity they can hold, and I don't want to because those feelings would be necessarily different from my own, and I don't think I can articulate mine right now.

When I'm asleep in Cascade Street
When I'm asleep in Cascade Street
I don't, I don't
See anything

When I'm asleep in Cascade Street
When I'm asleep in Cascade Street
I hear, I hear
Nothing, nothing

In the cascade, in the cascade
You washed me

When I wake up in Cascade Street
When I wake up in Cascade Street
I feel nothing
I feel nothing

When I'm asleep in Cascade Street
When I'm asleep in Cascade Street
I don't remember
I don't remember

In the cascade, in the cascade
You washed me

When I wake up in Cascade Street
When I wake up in Cascade Street
I feel nothing
I feel nothing

In the cascade, in the cascade
You washed me


Yann Tiersen's "Rue des Cascades." Such a beautiful beautiful ethereal work. I could float away on her voice (and I think I may to the land of slumber; I am exhausted) As for you? enjoy this live version (the accordion is awesome):

Today was a very long day. Let's see how tomorrow turns out; shall we?
Yann Tiersen- Rue des Cascades (mp3)

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About Last Night

my life is really boring. ugh
No matter so last night was the lunar eclipse and I must say the whole of the experience was worth it. I went to bed at around 11:30 after setting my alarm and the coffee maker because I've never been able to stay up all night but if I have an hour or so of sleep that is enough to keep me going for quite awhile. So the alarm sounded at 1:40 and I got out of bed quite energized, I made it to the kitchen the coffee was percolating (good word) and it was a clear and quite comfortable night. I figured I would have the best view of it in my backyard so I plopped down in a chair with my coffee and digital camera and waited. My cats of course came to me at this point meowing and begging for affectation, which kind of ruined the mood of silence in the dark with nothing awake but myself and a spider spinning her web being caught in the slight glimmer and shine of the stars. All the news report said the eclipse would begin around 1:55 and though I didn't have a watch I could see the shadow creeping over the full moon. Not much was happening but I thought the moon affected most things of nature and that my cats should have noticed/paid attention or at least acted a little strange at this event, but then I realized that's not the case. They're not wolves...or women. But nature and the universe has it's own pace. It took me about 3 refills before the moon was even 3/4 covered, though that down time gave me time to think and enjoy the silence; I discovered, around 2 that one of my neighbors may have a drinking problem ; the tab of an aluminum can puncturing the top also punctured the stillness and echoed quite loudly (sure it could have been any kind of can but I like to think that it was someone who only in such quiet moments could have some peace; from family or stress. Or that someone works the graveyard shift and that beer is their only solace and motivation to get up and go to a job they hate.) As the moon begins to get eclipsed more I see it drifting down towards the horizon, ever so slightly but enough for it to creep behind the branches of the tree my grandfather planted 50 some years ago.
At this point, my cats had curled up on and around my feet and I didn't necessarily want to wake them but I needed to find a better vantage. As I go through the house around 2:40, and woke up my mom per her request I figure that the only place I could see it, without wondering too far into the street was in my front yard. I didn't really want to stand that whole time but I figured this was supposed to be amazing and rare and I didn't have a job or any real or compelling reason to wake up in the morning I sucked it up as the Earth cast it's shadow on the moon.
The way I interpreted all the articles was that the moon would be a pretty evident red but the moon ended up looking more like an old worn penny with a slight discoloration in the middle, as if the oils from countless hands had over time affected the copper. Though in my mind I originally thought, for some reason it would be a more vibrant red but I realized seeing a blood red moon would have freaked the shit out of me and that would have been way too evil, even for my Vampiric fantasies. I was happy with a copper moon. It was still gorgeous and as only the last sliver of the moon remained I stared in wonder and just amazing and tried to wonder what others would think of at such a moment, whether one could look at such a thing and not think of deep thoughts, of what the ancestors would have done. But as my mom went inside to sleep, having to wake up in a few hours to go to work herself, my thoughts shifted to the little girls room. I wanted to see the full eclipse and the moon reclaim it's glow and full size but after about another 15 minutes (it was around 3:15 at this point) and no change in the coloration I decided to go inside and call it a night. I checked the internet and was relieved to see that I wouldn't be missing much; the eclipse wouldn't end until well after 4 and there was no way I could deal with staying up that late with no stimulation.
I got into bed and screwed around on the internet for a bit and thought about either writing long forsaken e-mails to distant friends, or actually writing this post, in an attempt to live up to the address of this site and actually deliver a midnight transmission, if not exactly at midnight with that same kind of late night secret talk vibe, where anything said above a hushed tone would feel scandalous. But then I decided to check Facebook and go to sleep. And that is precisely what I would have done if my bladder would have agreed with me. I'm not a coffee drinker really (maybe once every six months) and accidently making a whole pot and refusing to waste any resulted in me having to get out of bed like every half hour. I think I was so caffienated that the only thing I can relate it to is the feeling of being pissed at the end of a long night. Except instead of being sleepy and needing to pass out I was tossing and turning in my mind.
In between those potty breaks though I had pretty vivid dreams, I guess you can still call them dreams even if you are semiconscious but I enjoyed them thoroughly. In one part of my dream I wrote a chapter, in my head of a play between an pentinent person who felt they deserved punishment, for no real crime, and so was welcoming their own death and a reluctant and confused executioner. An axe was involved. But the majority of my dreams involved what I now consider my ultimate job, or dream job if you would pardon the pun, but to be a speech writer for John Edwards and follow him to the White House. I guess my thoughts turned to how good I am at rhetoric, at times in situations that don't even call for it, but at first I dreamed that I guess somehow I came to John's attention and he recruited me and I become integral to his campaign and he gained momentum as my speeches achieved widespread acclaim (insert a montage and snippets of John giving speeches from across the country, with a feeling of hope and pride and uplifting pervading it all as I'm behind the stages with my arms crossed holding a yellow legal pad to my chest and a pencil over my right ear, as my glasses are high on my forehead holding my hair back) But of course as I was achieving this "only in D.C." fame there was the issue of whether my transsexuality would be a negative and an issue that could be used against John. I strategize, in the dream that me being a part of his campaign could actually help him in the LGBT community and that my words would be enough to convince others, and though no one really knows who speechwriters are I offered to resign but he refused. I then am interviewed by the Advocate and I'm sitting in a large black plopable chair, one that's large enough where you can sit crosslegged as I chose to do. Somehow I convinced the interviewer to, at the end of the interview allow me the chance to look over my answers and clarify any statements, because this way I would be more candid and say what came to mind instead of worrying that things would be taken out of context and so participate in a boring talking point memo, in an attempt not to hurt John's campaign or "to be the reason that" as I said in the interview " John is not elected and I take away this country's great hope" and in fact the campaign chair had given me not a list of talking points but rather a list of things not to bring up. But the interview goes really well, I remember talking about how Elizabeth is among the best people I have ever met and talk her up. Then the questioning turns personal and I balk a little because the only person I actually love is doing the Peace Corps and she may not know how I feel about her and that it would be unfair for her to, after two years secluded and without the internet, to return to a maelstrom such as that would cause, without any warning. The interviewer, I'll say it was a woman though I'm not sure, is once again praising the iconic , or at least memorable nature of my speeches and I tell her I'm not happy with them, and that I feel I can and must do better. I tell her that until a speech I was involved in crafting had a place in the American Rhetoric Top 100 that I was not good. "Do you know the 'the streets of heaven are too crowded with angels' speech? Until I write something that good this praise is unwarranted" I said (and I believe when awake as well. I LOVE that speech) Later I am giving a speech at some banquet and it's very self deprecating and full of humour as I'm being honored, though I don't remember the details of that affair besides opening with a joke and maybe talking about the issue of poverty or about the response to Katrina and the failure of government and praising the new day that an Edwards administration would bring.
Then I suppose after I got back into bed my more rational side took over and I figured that when I move up to San Francisco that I could become a speechwriter for Gavin Newsom, though he doesn't need my to gain experience and get my name out there. Which would happen fairly soon in order for me to enter the campaign while he nomination is still in the balance. But it was all just a dream (dammit) And I finally fell to sleep around 5:30, though I was awakened around an hour later and finally got up for good about 20 minutes before I wrote BBE* this morning.
So that's the (overly long) story of how I stayed up to watch the lunar eclipse, drank too much coffee, spent a lot of time going to the bathroom ,couldn't fall asleep, but discovered my vocation and set up a fantasmic plan.
Now the hard part begins. Being awake sucks.

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Come Out, Come Out Whoever You Are

I guess a bathroom stall could be the size of a closet, maybe that's why certain people are so comfortable in them. Continuing the trend of conservatives with publicly very anti gay record being arrested for soliciting male officers for sex, Senator Larry Craig of the 0% HRC congressional rating, who was arrested on June 11th in a Minneapolis airport bathroom for disorderly conduct, pled guilty and then denied that fact stating that he overreacted finally came out today...to release a statement that he is "not gay [and has] never been gay."

Larry, you and your deluded wife have to be the only one's who believe that. There have been many rumours about Craig's sexuality since the early 80s when he was seemingly involved in a Congressional Page sex and drugs scandal and then was outed last year (or more credibly here). If this had happened to another politician it would have been a fairly big deal but the fact that it happened to Craig, who is surrounded by so much smoke as to be flaming, pardon the pun; sorry sir but three strikes and you're out. Just admit it; have some dignity.

This guy at The Nation (via Queerty) has an interesting take on this bathroom/republican phenomenon. As for my thoughts: If you wanna stay in the closet, for whatever reasons or hang ups that's fine, but to promote an agenda that can be seen as hurtful to others and self hating, which reinforces inequality and intolerance is morally wrong and though I am opposed to involuntarily outing (it's an incredibly personal step, which is why I haven't outed my brother) I think that it may be justifiable so that these politicians and moral leaders may feel publicly that same sense of shame and ridicule, the sting of "institutionalized otherness" and intolerance that they support and force upon many members of the Gay, Lesbian and Transgendered community through their votes opposing GLBT rights. Barney Franks, last year, on Bill Maher actually said what I'm tryng to say far more eloquently than I could ever hope to

Just come out;in the end you'll be a lot happier. Plus guy's bathrooms are disgusting.

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Demand Justice for the Jena Six

Sometimes Facebook can be a very good thing. Last night I discovered this group, this case, this offence and this travesty and I thought you should know about it, and that such things can still happen in the year 2007. I'll copy exactly the group description because it has all the relevant facts and is more organized then I could ever be:

Dear friends,

I just learned about a case of segregation-era oppression happening today in Jena, Louisiana. I signed onto ColorOfChange.org's campaign for justice in Jena, and wanted to invite you to do the same.

Last fall in Jena, the day after two Black high school students sat beneath the "white tree" on their campus, nooses were hung from the tree. When the superintendent dismissed the nooses as a "prank," more Black students sat under the tree in protest. The District Attorney then came to the school accompanied by the town's police and demanded that the students end their protest, telling them, "I can be your best friend or your worst enemy... I can take away your lives with a stroke of my pen."

A series of white-on-black incidents of violence followed, and the DA did nothing. But when a white student was beaten up in a schoolyard fight, the DA responded by charging six black students with attempted murder and conspiracy to commit murder.

It's a story that reads like one from the Jim Crow era, when judges, lawyers and all-white juries used the justice system to keep blacks in "their place." But it's happening today. The families of these young men are fighting back, but the story has gotten minimal press. Together, we can make sure their story is told and that the Governor of Louisiana intervenes and provides justice for the Jena 6. It starts now. Please join me:

The noose-hanging incident and the DA's visit to the school set the stage for everything that followed. Racial tension escalated over the next couple of months, and on November 30, the main academic building of Jena High School was burned down in an unsolved fire. Later the same weekend, a black student was beaten up by white students at a party. The next day, black students at a convenience store were threatened by a young white man with a shotgun. They wrestled the gun from him and ran away. While no charges were filed against the white man, the students were later arrested for the theft of the gun.

That Monday at school, a white student, who had been a vocal supporter of the students who hung the nooses, taunted the black student who was beaten up at the off-campus party and allegedly called several black students "nigger." After lunch, he was knocked down, punched and kicked by black students. He was taken to the hospital, but was released and was well enough to go to a social event that evening.

Six Black Jena High students, Robert Bailey (17), Theo Shaw (17), Carwin Jones (18), Bryant Purvis (17), Mychal Bell (16) and an unidentified minor, were expelled from school, arrested and charged with second-degree attempted murder. The first trial ended last month, and Mychal Bell, who has been in prison since December, was convicted of aggravated battery and conspiracy to commit aggravated battery (both felonies) by an all-white jury in a trial where his public defender called no witnesses. During his trial, Mychal's parents were ordered not to speak to the media and the court prohibited protests from taking place near the courtroom or where the judge could see them.

Mychal is scheduled to be sentenced on July 31st, and could go to jail for 22 years. Theo Shaw's trial is next. He will finally make bail this week.

The Jena Six are lucky to have parents and loved ones who are fighting tooth and nail to free them. They have been threatened but they are standing strong. We know that if the families have to go it alone, their sons will be a long time coming home. But if we act now, we can make a difference.

Join me in demanding that Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco get involved to make sure that justice is served for Mychal Bell, and that DA Reed Walters drop the charges against the 5 boys who have not yet gone to trial.


Thanks.....


If you're as outraged as I am you can sign the petition here. It's not much but it's something, something that can hopefully raise awareness. It is disgusting that I learned about this through Facebook and not through the more mainstream media. We can all apply pressure by flooding thorugh e-mail or phone calls Reed Walter, the D.A.'s office. If you live in Louisiana you can help more directly; write or email your state legislature, Governor Blanco, Sen. Landrieu, Sen. Vitter (he needs some good press now; his applying pressure and forcing the issue to have the matter looked into may give him a more positive reputation ) or your representative. Let them know common humanity, decency and the nation are sickened by this travesty of justice.

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Ah! Now I get Babe Ruth.

Speaking of transgenderism in sports.... No seriously, last night after I had seen the moon blocked out, and was trying to get to sleep, (a difficult task considering the pot of coffee I drank to stay awake) I went on Facebook. One of my friends, who is currently traveling on the Trans Siberian Railroad (how insane is that?) updated his profile and in my small hour haze I went to his groups. I joined one that is quite awesome and in that manner that the internet leads you to strange places I came across this video of Babe Ruth being an early proponent of Title IX in Fancy Curves teaching a sorority the fundamentals of baseball in order for them to compete against a frat at their college. It's almost 9 minutes long but it's well worth it:

Now I understand "Babe Ruth" the image and legend. I wasn't that big a fan of him because he was just some dead guy who was great, but was a Yankee and was. But I understand, among other things, why he was still an icon and a mythic figure in the Sandlot (greatest.movie.ever.) Guy had more charisma than he had home runs. And he was so jovial. I really could not see many major sports figure of today having that much fun with themselves, or their image, let alone someone who's a legend. The fact that he's henpecked and all yet still touches on his womanizing reputation. Or making fun of a big girl without any public ire. I guess it's good to be Sultan. And even though the girls were no Rockford Peaches (that movie makes me cry) in this brief sketch I still think I learned the fundamental skill set better than from any of Tom Emanski's.
But the Babe was not just a baseball expert; as you will see in this clip he was also the greatest math teacher I never had.

It must be really cool to be an icon. Such a wise man. And such a progressive one as well. Not only was the Babe all about integration but did you see how the black kid took control, proclaimed himself pitcher and had the most pivotal lines in the film? Too bad he served up a gopher ball.
I think the Babe saw a little bit of himself in that kid, cuz y'know the Babe was black and all.

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